Monday, December 6, 2010

Real life.

Lately I feel like I've been having the same conversation over and over with so many of my friends. Is this it for the next ten to twenty years? Is this what we have to look forward to? Is cooking, washing, working, cleaning, driving and planning enough?

I don't know if it's the weather, the time of year or our age group but its coming up all the time.

But then out of nowhere last night I had a sort of vision of the bigger picture.

We had had an enormous day driving to Melbourne and back for a farmers' market and then an evening of dealing with tired and cranky kids and the last thing I felt like doing was the farm chores. But as we were walking back from shutting the ducks in I had this thought that if I could show my life to myself 10 or 15 or 20 years ago, how excited those Kates would be for the future.

It was twilight, magic hour as Bren calls it, and I started to tell those Kates how my farmer boy and I had just wandered through the forest to feed and close the ducks in for the night, how we were walking past the 300 chicklets and checking on pregnant Willow dog. How our three daughters were fast asleep in their beds and we were going inside to watch a dvd, have a cuppa and I would knit.

Somehow it changed my perspective by breaking it down like that. The tantrums, the mess and the lack of clean clothes or food for the school lunches seemed insignificant somehow and it made it sound like a wonderful dream. Like something to look forward to.

I guess I am living my dream, my happily ever after. I just have to remember this when I get bogged down in the details.

Have you been having these thoughts/conversations? I wonder if you are living your dream. If when you break it down that you can see beyond the daily chores and it looks different. I'd love to know.

I hope your Monday is a funday. XX

ps And the little hints of denim coloured knitting from the last few posts became the top of this dress. The bottom is a seer sucker table cloth. More details here.

74 comments:

  1. I have those conversations all the time with myself! I've learned to remind myself everytime my thoughts begin to stray like that about everything great I have.. and I just think.. I HOPE I have all of this the next 10 yrs. :)

    xoxo
    Kate

    ReplyDelete
  2. I started having these conversatins with friends about 18 months ago. It generally becomes more of an issue when I am house bound with the kids because of the weather.

    I never thought to look at it like that...but you are right, my life now is exactally what I would have hoped for when I was 18.

    Thanks Kate x

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  3. Thought provoking words Kate. I bet those who we think have it all made would look at your life through your blog Kate, and wish they had a something similar!

    Oh, I just love that cute dress you have made!
    xx

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  4. I often think like that and am so scared of the time racing by. The grass is not always greener on the other side and we are often living our dream without even realising.
    Lovely post, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful and thoughtful post, so grateful yet honest.
    It is always important to take stock of what we have rather what we don't.
    To be honest, I'm often asking myself this question is this it? ,. ( but different issues I guess) I'm not quite living me dream, there are some things I would really in life that aren't there. But I am partly and that's pretty amazing and wonderful too. like you I know it's important to see the glass half full not empty and try not to get swept up in the .
    xo

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  6. I think sometimes we think too much about stuff!

    When my smalls were at kinder the then teacher gave me some advice. It's gold & it has stayed with me...

    "Will this matter in two years?"

    If the answer is "no" don't sweat it & move on. x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Beautiful honest writing.
    One step...at a time...look what you are showing your girls...you have to work in life and be grateful. Those daily chores...are the stuff of life.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oooh, quite often thinking it - not really worrying about it. But things are changing all the time for us recently, so just knowing that as long as we are together, and have each other - things will change and work out eventually.

    I think that us with this creative thing thats going on, it evolves and changes - so there'll be more exciting times ahead. Never know what all this will turn into! XX

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  9. I've been there. I've had those thoughts... but right now I am so happy. I'm not sure what has changed but after a couple of really rough years things are falling into place for me. I'm content. Good times.

    Love the way you used your self-talk to get a better perspective :) Kate you are one gorgeous and special person. Take care.

    ... and do you have anything planned for your wedding anniversay? I have no idea why I thought about that but it just popped into my head. Your wedding anniversary is this time of year no? Or am I thinking of someone else? Anyway - if it is you ... I wish you a lovely twighlight walk with your farmer boy.

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  10. I had the same thoughts when I had to give up my full time job which I loved. What was the point of working so hard for all those years?
    Now I think that it was all just part of the journey - you never know what life has in store for you so you just have to make the most of what you have.

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  11. What a gorgeous post and perspective Kate! Thanks for sharing this.

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  12. Hmmm, sometimes I get this way too. All the chores seem really overwhelming & the day to day stuff gets me down. At times it feels like we're going backwards.
    I too then have to talk myself out of it. I tell myself that this is what I wanted, a wonderful husband, a delightful healthy baby, living in the country, both working from home. I've chosen to be here, sometimes I have to remind myself of this.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's always comforting to know that someone else is thinking these thoughts & sharing the way they deal with them.
    Have a great week. x

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  13. Life is a journey for all of us Kate, and yes sometimes I feel like I am somewhere I dont want to be, but if I look back I think I am rather quite happy with what I have right now. A family who I love so much and they are all healthy too. I have been through quite a bit in the last 2 years so Paul and I now know that we can survive harder times if we have too. You are right Kate, people do come to a point where they question their lives but perhaps it means there is something about to change right around the corner for the better! I have to say your dress is absolutely adorable!

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  14. My gosh you make sense, Kate. It reminds me of one of my favourite quotes:

    "If you want to keep your memories,
    first you have to live them.”
    Bob Dylan

    x

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aaaaah thank you. Only yesterday morning amidst the haze of sleep deprivation and piles of washing I asked Dunc ..."Is this it?". But yep ... 4 years ago in a tiny bedsit in the UK I could only dream of buying our own wonky home and having it filled with 3 gorgeous smalls, chickens and a vegie patch ,,, thanks for some big picture perspective with gorgeous dress pics to boot!

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  16. what a wonderful outlook. thank you friend. i guess many moons ago i would have been thrilled to know i would be seeing the other side of the world. xo.

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  17. What a thoughtful post, and timely I think. I often have conversations and reflections like this around this time of year. Life is what it is, not like the movies. And it is nice as it is. We just have to remind ourselves sometimes that this is good, this is fun, this is what we want.

    Sounds like you are living a wonderful life and are blessed. Thanks for sharing xo Ames

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  18. Thank you for your post. I really needed it today as I was thinking (and talking with my husband) about exactly the same thing first thing in the morning due to lack of sleep.

    It is such a great idea to stop at look at the bits in life that are perfect the way they are.

    Thank you!

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  19. I feel like this often & need remind myself that this IS my dream, I couldn't want for anything more. Of course the bad days can be very bad but I don't want to miss a minute! I love maxabella's quote, I'm going to remember that...
    Gorgeous dress Kate, I love the denim knit on floral, so pretty..x

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  20. You're so right.
    I've wanted what I have now for as long as I can remember.
    Must remember that during tantrum time!!!
    You coming for a girly dinner on Wednesday?
    Andi x

    ReplyDelete
  21. Firstly, I have to say I LOVE that dress! You are just so talented and inventive, Kate. I dream of doing things like this too. Thanks for being such a great inspiration :)

    Secondly... yes, the same record plays in my head too. I had to move a cabinet yesterday so there'd be room for the xmas tree and on emptying it I found all these old cassettes, one of which was a taping of one of my shows from when I did radio announcing for an indie radio station up here... Took me back. I was bopping all over the place and it really struck me too, how very relieved that Kylie would have been to have a peek into the future and see where we're at :)

    Another great post Kate - thank you. Kx

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  22. aw Ktethat is wonderful! Really, its so important to remind ourselves of how lucky we all are so as not to feel like the grass is alwas greener. I often remind myself of how lucky I am to even livein a country like this and not fear for my childrens safety while we sleep or where our next meal is coming from. I figure health and safety is living the dream in my books andything more than that is a bonus.

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  23. I had been thinking this a few months ago, and then the Universe handed us a crazy opportunity to go and live in Hong Kong - so we are packing up our suburban home (and my sewing machines!) and moving. And I feel so alive (and so many other emotions, but trying to focus on the positive ones)
    Live your dream with all your heart :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. yes, this is it, this is often what I think: "this IS it... this IS what you always wanted... this is now... this is your happily ever after" so lucky to have it when so many don't. xx
    it just goes back to the magic three kate:
    1. someone to love ( bren and the girls)
    2. soemthing to do ( sew, knit crochet)
    3. something to look forward too.( caravanning to visit us one day)
    xo

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  25. Great post, thank you for sharing. I am living the dream, well, the important part of it, that is. Ofcourse there are still dreams for the future, even for the now, of things I want to do, lessons I want to learn and people I'd love to meet. But the things that really matter, a family, people to love, people who love me, those little ones that call me their mama, a house to live in, days filled with childrens voices and laughter, all of that I have. And I feel so blessed....

    The dress is very cute!

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  26. Beautiful words. It would take an evening to respond, so I won't even try. It's important to ask these questions, to want/need more. Even though it also means restlessness and frustration. In short... I guess one cannot choose. Some are made like this and some not. We'll have to look at it as something good. Some kind og engine. Sorry if I don't make any sense. English is not my languange... Have a nice evening!

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  27. =)Oh dear I think it is about us ladies that we tend to over-think about almost any tiny little detail of our life =)
    But yes, it does happen to us a lot

    ReplyDelete
  28. Lovely post Kate.

    I was thinking similar thoughts the other day as the weeding was getting on top of me. It was getting me down, the relentlessness of it all, doing all that work and a week later it's like you were never there.

    Then I reminded myself that 10 years ago I was sitting behind a desk in a city job dreaming of weeding a garden around an old farmhouse in Tasmania. I counted my blessings and continued cheerily pulling out the buggers!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I often feel out of the loop because I am a stay at home mother. I often have feelings of inadequacy (I'm not sure that's the right word) because we don't have much money and so we can't send out kids to swimming/tennis/piano/etc lessons or go on fancy schmancy holidays. And don't get me started on not owning my own home.......or even being able to contemplate owning one......
    But then I think of our lives and how happy we are and how little stress there is and how when I am stressed I can sit out with my chickens and they will calm me down and I think, heck, life is pretty darn great :)
    Maybe a little boring to some, but I love it.
    Here's to satisfaction :)
    l
    x

    ReplyDelete
  30. You are right, it must be the thirties. whether we are where we want to be or life has taken a different path there is still dishes and washing, mess and the menial tasks of life. At least you have lots of eggs on hand, when I run out of school lunch box fillers I pop in a couple of boiled eggs.

    Love the dress, I must get back into ravelry, perhaps I could crochet a bikini (hehehe)

    I find that making sure I accomplish something each day that I don't have to do all over again the next day, like craft or putting up my clothes line, At least I can look back and see that I am getting somewhere. Our children are our greatest accomplishment but it takes some time to see results for all our hard work.

    Sorry about the long-winded comment but you always get me thinking.....

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am definitely living my dream. I clean, bake, make, mend, garden and tend animals and chickens everyday. It isn't boring, it's fresh and life affirming every single day. I work to a natural rhythm, have thrown away all my clocks, watches and calendars and do everything according to when I feel it needs to be done. It's much like farm work so I'm sure you know where I'm coming from.

    If you want to live in a clean and comfy home, housework will never end. I got used to that ages ago, and now I don't care if I finish certain tasks. I know that as sure as eggs, it will be there waiting for me tomorrow.

    I just adore your knitted dress top. It's so pretty.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I often feel the same Kate, I think its the whole approaching 40/middle age thats scary and make you think about things. I'm also living the dream I kind of had 15 years ago. I also realise in another 15-20 years the kids might be gone, the farm might be too much for us and it will all be gone in a flash. Live the day!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Yes - often have those conversations with myself too. At the moment it is the thought of finding out where we will head to in 2012 and what I have to do to get this family ready for yet another move. Sometimes it gets me down and then I remember the new challenges, new friends and new places to explore.
    Please remind me of this at this time next year when I am having doubts.

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  34. Oh and the dress looks great:)

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  35. One day I said to myself, "There's got to be more to life than housework." And there is. Believe me you are doing it. I read your blogs and marvel. Three beautiful daughters, a produce farm, a terrific husband, a little shop selling your own creations and a gorgeous place to live while doing it. The last two were my dream, well done you. I never did get my act together.
    I can tell you that the time you are questioning now goes so quickly and the empty nest lasts a long time, so treasure every little minute. An old man once said to me, "Maintain a good relationship with those demanding little imps, as the time you have for them now is what they will give back to you when they are adults. I'm really glad I took that advice.
    OK, sermon over for today. Have fun, be happy and remember you don't have to eat off the floor so it won't hurt if it misses out on a seeep now and again.

    ReplyDelete
  36. this is a conversation to have over our coffee one day :-) X but just to let you know....i have these thoughts too...but i sometimes then remember how quickly things can change....the only certain thing we have is today and now. and that snaps me out of it for a little while. x

    ReplyDelete
  37. I have had a lot of dreams, still do. I am living one possible dream by choice...the challenges, the mayhem, the blessed silliness, the love, the battles, the laundry that hears all the curse words I've been biting back, the best it gets kind of dream.

    If I showed this to my younger self, my younger self would smile. But then, I would whisper in my younger self's ear, "You can still write a book, you will record an album, there is still time to ride a motorcycle across Spain, remember that!"

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  38. I can honestly say I'm living the dream, it just doesn't look at all like what I thought it would!

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  39. Firstly - I think those Kate's would think that that life you told them about sounded ace.
    Secondly - thank you for reminding me to have a similar conversation with the younger Verity's. My life does not involve kidlets or chicks and I only attend Farmers markets as a lustful cheese and vegetable shopper, but still you make a brilliant point..

    It is not the ity bity moments or lists and same roads driven down 4 times a day, it is about the other moments between the ity bits and the massive bits that are relish worthy.

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  40. Lovely post Kate; sometimes it is hard to see the future through the chaos and the crumbs isn't it? I think being a SAHM is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but oddly enough also the most rewarding! Great to have an honest reminder to enjoy each moment (and to know that we are not alone in feeling this way LOL)

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  41. Well, this is EXACTLY what I needed to read right now. I'm in the thick of it and wondering how to enjoy this now better, knowing in 20 years I'd look back and wish I'd enjoyed it, but... I'm grateful for your perspective of telling our younger selves about this now and truly how excited they would be. Thank you for the revelation :)

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  42. (Hi, just dropped over from Down-to-Earth)
    What a wonderful, wonderful post!

    I am sort of living my dream - married to a wonderful man, mother to three gorgeous children (if I do say so myself) and currently at home with them, writing a little, gradually learning to live more sustainably... got a long way to go, but we are on the path we want to be on.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is a really interesting post!
    I think you're living MY dream - we are still stuck in suburbia, albeit not for too much longer. Yes, I have these thoughts all the time and get bogged down. "Am I doing what I'm meant to, do I have more potential, how can I be happier?"
    I have a feeling I'll get there eventually though!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Love this post. Whadayaknow I am totally living the dream! Thanks for the perspective x

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  45. First: lovely dress! The knitted top is especially pretty, and I love the combined fabric.
    Second: Yep, definitely have those existential moments and reassuring mental conversations with my younger selves.
    Wishing you a little more light and ease in the day-to-day :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Wow! Are you you sure I did not write part of that? I have been discussing the same kind of stuff too with friends - I think it is just the season of young kids. I love how you discussed Kate of a few years ago. I can so relate! Rach xo

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    ReplyDelete
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Thanks so much for stopping by...

I do read every single comment you leave and appreciate it very much, but I should let you know that I can be a wee bit on the useless side when replying to comments, that's just me, everyday life sometimes gets in the way....so I'll apologise now, just in case.

Kate XX

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