I walk past this tangled mess of yarn about 50 times a day. It sits on top of the filing cabinet that is just outside our sewing room/office.
Sometimes I walk past it and think if only I had the time...sometimes I think I should chuck it out with the rest of the clutter, sometimes I think what a waste of something so gorgeous, sometimes I remember the day I bought it many years ago at the Daylesford market and the dreams of crocheting a vest, sometimes I ignore it and sometimes I pull it down and try to find an end and then get distracted by something more pressing and give up on it.
Would you think I were a bit mad if I told you I feel a lot like this tangled skein of wool right now?
That I feel a bit tangled and messy and pulled in every direction.
Today I should take the washing off the line before it rains, fold and put away yesterday's laundry, bake some bread, make the pizza dough for dinner and something delicious for afternoon tea, plant out the gazillion onion seedlings, strip and make some beds, mow the back garden, paint the caravan cupboard doors, pick berries and make jam, find Jazzy's ballet gear, clean up my house, sort and move Pepper's clothes into her shelves, reply to my emails, weed the kitchen garden, do a food shop, return some calls...the list is endless.
The list is all confused because I am a work from home-stay at home Mum.
Work jobs versus home jobs. Its a never ending battle that fills my head.
Miss Pepper, my third child, my baby. I want to indulge her and breathe her in and savour her because our time alone together will fly away. But there is so much I need to get done before the big girls get home from school and my working day ends. Sometimes we play but most often I find myself making a game out of something that needs to be crossed off my list.
And lastly there is the stuff I want to do. I want to sew and knit and print and crochet and draw. I want to fill all our wardrobes with Mama made sundresses and pants and pyjamas and make some for my shop and the present drawer. I want to give in to the itch to create. I want to feel inspired.
I am so consumed with questions and recipes and solutions and possibilities and my hands have blackberry splinters in them from days ago and I wonder if there is any such thing as a woman who watches daytime television without any guilt and I've written this all out to see if it helps and makes sense of it but I'm not sure if it does and its time to go and do something and I wonder if you can relate or if you think its all a bit crazy...a bit messy...I'm not sure if I'd have it any other way though...would I?