Tuesday, October 23, 2012

almost five. x


She turns five tomorrow.

Those ten little fingers and ten little toes and those long, long plaits have been with us for five whole years. It is hard to imagine life before them. I wouldn't want to imagine a life without them. Gosh how we all adore her.

And tomorrow we'll celebrate her. There will be pancakes, candles and a banana cake, a trip to town to buy a prezzie, lots of cards, singing and a ridiculous amount of kisses.

But today I am an overemotional mess. My baby is no longer a baby. I don't have a baby anymore and I never will again. And I can't stop crying.

I know at five she'll still be little, but she'll also start to be a bit big. Five means that in a few short months she'll start school. She'll separate from me a bit more and become a bit more independent. She'll look elsewhere for inspiration and permission. I will be less and less the centre of her universe. She'll experience and be influenced by the big wide world without me always being there to filter it and protect her.

I know I'll adore and admire and be in awe of my big five year old kid. But I'll also miss her four year-oldness like crazy. I already do.

My funny, happy, plaited, singing, story telling little four year old buddy.

Thank you for letting me hold you like a baby and kiss you all over today. Tomorrow I promise it'll all be about the happy.

xxxxx

43 comments:

  1. I just wrote a post for somewhere else about this very thing, not having any more babies. Turns me into a crying baby just thinking about it. Happy birthday to your girl and a big hug to you too Kate. x

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  2. Have a lovely day celebrating.
    I agree preschool years are so precious and intimate.
    There's so much joy to come though xo

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  3. Hugs for you, hon. It's a tough time. My now 5 year old is thriving at school but is currently crying each morning because, she explains, she loves me so much that she doesn't want to go away from me for the day...before forgetting about me when the bell goes and then having a fabulous day at school.

    I might be a wee bit happy to know that I am still so important to her for now, even as she is finding her independence.

    And might I say- what an amazing gift you are giving your girls with your blog- your writing is beautiful.

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  4. Now I have tears too. Just remembering that my "baby" 18yo spent an extra year with me. I'm so pleased that I could, and did, do that. Those pre-school years are really special, enjoy your next couple of months with Ms Nearly 5. But have no doubt that as your relationship changes you will still have a special relationship with her because of all the time you have spent together. XXX Debbie Packham

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  5. Beautiful words Kate, have a lovely day tomorrow x

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  6. Dearest Kate, Your post made me all teary eyed.. I so adore your littlest.. May God give her all the happiness all her life. Just want to share, Pepper's birthday falls on a very very auspicious day in Hindu calendar, whole of India celebrates Vijaydashmi or Dussehra tomorrow, symbolic of victory of goodness over evil. We have a national holiday and there will be celebrations everywhere.. at home and temples ..everywhere!! Give lots of hugs and kisses to your angel from me also!! God bless!

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  7. FIVE is so big. My girl will be 5 in January, and there's something about 5 - it's so, so...ummmm....so big :)
    A big happy birthday to your gorgeous one for tomorrow. This post made me smile. It's all kinds of lovely.
    x

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  8. Enjoy tomorrow, may your precious poppet have a day to truly remember (and may her Mum find some moments of joy). xxx

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  9. Birthdays can be very emotional for a mum...when my eldest has a birthday I marvel at how old he is becoming..and catching up to me. When my youngest has a birthday it reminds me of how old I am becoming and what I was doing at his age! I hope you all have piles of beaut birthday fun tomorrow!

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  10. Hope you all have a great day. My little boy is six and I know just how you feel. I also think (in my case) he grew up faster than my slightly older daughter. Just like you turn around and there they are all grown up!!! Luckily he still likes a snuggle. Sarah

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  11. Oh I can so remember this when my third girl turned 5. Even now listening to you I can feel the emotions swelling as if I were there again and now she is 25. Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl.

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  12. I'm crying again
    I just went through part of this at 4
    And now I have to think about 5
    Enjoy the happy tomorrow
    xx

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  13. Gosh that has come up quick!
    Time is flying by way too fast. That time between kindy and school
    is a huge jump forward, but she will still be your little one.
    No matter what. Hope you guys have a fab day tomorrow - so special!
    xxxJ

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  14. awwww :) My eldest starts school too next year - but she's not 5 until March. I can only imagine how hard it is with her being your youngest !!! Its scary and exciting and daunting all at once !!
    I hope she has a fabulous day tomorrow !
    Lauren
    :)

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  15. Five is certainly bittersweet. My baby will be six , six! in January - sounds so big. I wrote a little bit about it when she had just turned 5 but I struggled to put it into words so it was a short post http://sweetgeorgiathecraftysquirrel.blogspot.co.nz/2012/01/moving-on.html
    We just had a furniture rearrange and I am still struggling over giving away our little table and chairs in favour of a big girls desk .
    Hope you all have a good day tomorrow - happy birthday tomorrow to Pepper.

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  16. Beautiful.
    As I am not a mother, I have not experienced this. But perhaps one day I will...babies are darlings, it is sad that they grow up. But older children are just as delightful to have around.
    Happy birthday to Pepper tomorrow!
    Sarah xxo

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  17. hugs to you sweet mama. i know this feeling all too well as i watch my 'baby' flourish and grow in kindy. happy birthday to dear sweet pepper xx

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  18. oh Miss Pepper is gorgeous, I loved my daughters sooooo much at 4yo, its still my favourite age even though they are waaaay older now

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  19. Oh Kate! So not the right night for me to read this post. I am howling like a baby too right now. I am working fulltime and strung out about not seeing my own almost-three year old and everywhere I look people are holding newborns and I keep thinking am i really done with those baby days?!!?

    Five is good. But I totally get where you are coming from!

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  20. Hugs to you Kate, I only have one daughter so I grieved so much when she went to school, I knew it was something I'd never feel again, my little baby was gone. It's now a new phase in your life to embrace...don't be sad...just treasure all those beautiful memories.

    Happy Birthday to a fantastic five year old!

    Fleur xx

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  21. Hugs for you Kate. I'm sure she will always be your baby girl, no matter how big she gets. There is something about being the youngest. Very best wishes for tomorrow. xx

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  22. My baby is now 25 and yet people my age have children of Pepper's age. Sometimes that makes me sad. Mostly though it doesn't. My daughter has left home to do a postgraduate degree (she stayed at home for the first degree) and that has been traumatic in parts. However, we are still attached and my fears are ungrounded. I hear from her every day. The way your children need you as they grow up is different to how they do when very young but through the teen years they need you more than ever before. You are certainly far from being redundant. Your child is your child for ever - their soft place to fall. Their age is immaterial. Some people are addicted to baby hood but the person who is their child goes beyond that. To grieve what is not gone can be a problematic thing - age is just a number. Some women have baby after baby to fill that gap they imagine is left and yet their older children are neglected and made to feel unimportant and the care is all for the new baby. This is not maternal at all but selfish. Some people only like kittens or puppies and dump them on the streets when they grow up. I think people can be the same with babies sometimes!

    I get the difficulty in sharing your child with others but that is how it should be, we don't want clones of ourselves do we? I wanted my child to form her own opinions and not just to believe me as I am a fallible person. We have to allow them to explore the world in order to benefit from it. A child needs other things than us.

    Everything that your little girl is now,(in her spirit, who she truly IS)she will always be. Things don't change tomorrow because the number does.

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  23. Happy Birthday to Miss-Almost-Five and as my mother always says on birthdays...a minutes silence for the mother as well. Enjoy the 'happy' tomorrow.

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  24. She'll always be your baby.........no matter what her age.

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  25. Happy birthday to your little lady!!
    I know what you means when you observe your kid getting bigger and bigger.....Sometimes I miss my little ones so much that it hurts me...But then I look at the big ones they are right now....still amazing and I love the boys they are becoming and the men they will be one day!!!!
    Hugs and more hugs, xxx Alessandra

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  26. Oh gee! This chokes me up and my oldest is 2, youngest 4 months and I'm not sure my babymaking days are over. But I dread the thought... but I guess we have to look to their amazing futures and be assured that we will enjoy every stage, and miss every stage as well!

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  27. oh, lovely. i am stirring some sugar into a strong cup of tea for you. (you aren't off sugar, are you?) such a bitterweet moment. have a sweet day :)sarah

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  28. Oh don't get me started! I'll be bawling my eyes out. My youngest (of 4) turns 5 in December! No longer a baby :( Funny thing is my eldest is almost13 and I had to look for your post about facebook as the same thing happened with me! I'm an emotional wreck with it all!

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  29. I don't even have babies and this post me a little bit weepy! Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl Kate, and big hugs to you. I'm sure tomorrow will be gorgeous.

    Katie xx

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  30. Happy Birthday! One word...homeschooling!!! Not sure if it's popular or even legal in australia but I would highly recommend it :)
    xo Jana

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  31. Such a perfect post! I was just a sniffling, tearing mess as my oldest will turn 5 in 2 days. Even having another a few years behind doesn't make these milestones any easier. I'm so proud of my sweet boy but do wish I could slow down this time and hold him closer closer closer!!
    Happy Birthday Pep!
    Xo

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  32. So lovely. Oh so lovely. I don't have children, to know what this feels like, but you have articulated it so well, with so much care and love...xx The best for you tomorrow Kate. And for your daughter's birthday as well.

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  33. Oh Kate, don't despair. My baby has just turned 17 and has never been more affectionate, or more wanted to spend time with me! It may take a little while but it comes back to you more precious than ever knowing you are still loved, needed, wanted by your adult child. x

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  34. Many happies to Miss P for tomorrow and many hugs to you! I think it's probably wise to look at it as a new beginning, rather than a sad ending, she will always be your little girl!
    Jak x

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  35. 5 is a special age. Enjoy the day tomorrow and celebrate with her :)

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  36. I know just what you mean... I suspect that our third will be our last baby and I want to hold onto every milestone, every change, everything she does just that little bit longer. Lots of love, gorgeous mama. xx

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  37. You made me cry. I have and will only have one beautiful girl, she is three and I feel your sentiment all the time. That it all goes too quickly and then she will be gone. Enjoy your beautiful little/big girl.

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Kate XX

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